Do we use texting, email, smartphones to avoid ‘awkward’ silence or being alone with ourselves?
I think people definitely use texting, email and smartphones to avoid “awkward silence.” It’s not unusual to see people sitting together in a restaurant, all with cell phones in their hands or on the table, either texting or waiting for an “all important” message to arrive. People live in a constant state of “waiting for connection.” People want to be “interrupted” (Turkle p. 171). As Turkle points out, screen communication can be “a place to hide”(p. 187). By focusing on the phone, people avoid the face to face communication that can be much more challenging. Hiding behind a smartphone also shelters people from being truly alone. Constantly being connected denies people the time to be alone with their thoughts. Again, Turkle warns that such connectedness can be particularly dangerous for adolescents who “need time to discover themselves, time to think” (p. 172). Teenagers are still developing and discovering their own identity, but without time to be truly alone, “When is downtime? When is stillness?” (Turkle, p. 172). Not only do kids lack alone time, the image or avatar they portray of themselves online frequently isn’t who they really are.
As an adult, I see how constant “phone checking” not only prevents productive face to face communication, but also insults the person I’m with. Shouldn’t the person I’m with be more important than whoever is on the other end of the phone? I know I’m guilty of using a smartphone to avoid those uncomfortable situations at times, but I try to be aware and limit my use. My family loves their cell phones, but everyone knows that they’re not allowed at the dinner table. That text can wait.
Does texting contribute to social awkwardness?
To some degree, texting can contribute to social awkwardness, mainly by allowing people to avoid sensitive situations. The article, “Unplug the Kids” states, "We risk educating an entire generation of students who don't know how to work together or communicate effectively face-to-face." We don’t want to raise a generation of kids who live in a “virtual world.” This argument is supported by the Time article, “We Never Talk Anymore: The Problem With Text Messaging.” When kids rely too much on texting, interpersonal social skills which are still in the developmental process, suffer. Kids, especially in middle school, have “virtual” boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s possible for two kids to “go out” without ever speaking to each other.
Kids can also lose sight of what’s appropriate in texting. There are problems with cyberbullying and sexting, which are a constant concern. Recently, in upstate New York, several middle schoolers were disciplined over suggestive selfies. Girls took pictures of themselves in various stages of undress and sold them to boys for $10 a piece. Frequently, actions conducted online would not occur in person. While this example is beyond “social awkwardness,” the impersonal nature of texting tempts kids to behave inappropriately. The danger exists for kids to forget what is socially acceptable and what is not.
Are parents pushing the use of texting so they can ease their minds about their children’s whereabouts and safety? Does that allow children to be more or less independent?
As a parent, texting is extremely convenient and it helps me to keep in touch with my kids. As Nancy Lublin states in the video, “Texting That Saves Lives,” texting is the “best way to communicate with a teenager.” I will go a step further and say that it’s extremely helpful to keep in touch with everyone. For me, I communicate frequently with my adult children and with my many brothers and sisters. I love being able to text my kids, even if it’s just a quick “Have a great day” as a morning greeting.
My children are all grown up and they all live away from home; my youngest son is moving to Boston this week. With six kids and an age range of ten years, I’ve seen the role of texting change from nonexistent to dominant. When my older children were in high school, they didn’t have cell phones. Yet, ironically, I feel that I had a better handle on who they were hanging around with and what they were doing. Their friends had to call the house phone (almost an archaic term now), to get in touch with them. That gave me a chance to chat with my children’s friends. I also knew that if twenty calls came in, something was up. With my younger children, cell phones became the norm. They texted to make all their plans, so I was effectively out of the loop. While I could text them (and did) to find out where they were or why they were late, I think that sometimes I was more aware of what they were really doing when they didn’t have cell phones.
Parents and children can definitely overdo the amount of texting, especially in the college years. I remember going to orientation for my son and the Deans telling the parents to let the kids handle their own issues. As Turkle says, we need to allow children to separate from their parents and constant “tethering” does not allow that. My children land in various positions on the continuum of connection. I get frequent, almost daily texts from some, and from another, I may send a text after ten days of silence asking, “Are you alive?” The answer comes back, “Yes!” (Which is good to know!)
Overall, texting is a “double edged sword.” I certainly wouldn’t want to give it up. The benefits are enormous. I love being able to get in touch with people instantly. I love that it’s noninvasive. I don’t hesitate to text someone with a question or comment, knowing that they can answer me when they get a chance. I do, however, worry about too much reliance on texting at the expense of face to face, or spoken conversations. I also don’t want to see kids lose touch with the natural word or forget how to play. I want to see people living in “real time in the real world,” not “virtual time in a virtual world.” Like everything, balance is required. As I said with reading online, “Embrace the new, but don’t throw away the old.”
